Catching My Shadow
by BadRomance-ao3
Summary: (Takes place in the same AU as Into the Lagoon, during and after.) Ritsu feels alone without his brother and is tired of being himself. (Ritsu and Shou story although I can't find Shou in the tags?)


"Brother?" Ritsu's voice got closer as his quick footsteps ran towards Shigeo's room. But Shigeo couldn't think of a way to respond, much less what to _do _about it.

He hadn't seen Ritsu in…

The door swings open and Ritsu is standing there with his bag still over his shoulder.

"Brother! What- I haven't seen you in _two days!"_

There's that and…

"You've been avoiding me and now you brought some _delinquent _over?"

And Hanazawa. Shigeo hadn't put too much thought into Hanazawa's appearance but now he's very aware the other boy's uniform is loose and untucked and his hair is bleached with the underside shaved and his ears are pierced in two places.

Cold sweat collects on the back of Shigeo's neck and he stares down at his socks.

"Well, that's no way to greet a guest."

Hanazawa says.

"Shut up."

Ritsu snaps at Hanazawa, jarring Shigeo. He's never heard his little brother talk like that.

"Shige, where have you _been? _With _him?"_

Shigeo brings his gaze up slowly. First, to Hanazawa who has shifted to his side. He stands tall with his hands on his hips and his chin raised as he stares straight back at Ritsu.

_'__Him,' _Shigeo considers the tone of Ritsu's voice. So accusatory. But who is he accusing? Shigeo or Hanazawa? And of what?

It's not like Ritsu doesn't know Shigeo is involved with gangs. He's already seen Shigeo with Onigawara and although he wasn't happy about that he didn't act like this. But Hanazawa isn't Onigawara.

Shigeo's eyes then move to Ritsu. His shoulders are drawn tight and his teeth are bared as he watches Hanazawa defensively.

"... I'm a delinquent too, Ritsu."

Shigeo reminds him.

Although he doesn't look it, he's worthy of the same judgment that Hanazawa is.

"Hanazawa and I are the same."

Ritsu's eyes snap over to Shigeo and his eyebrows furrow tighter.

"Is that why we don't see you at the dinner table anymore? You come home too late - you _sneak in."_

It's all true. Sometimes he's with Hanazawa, sometimes he's with Onigawara, and sometimes he's with no one at all.

But he is avoiding his family. His parents let him, but Ritsu…

"You're not even trying to go to high school, are you?"

Ritsu always has a lot on his mind.

The hair on the back of Shigeo's neck starts to stand on end.

"Listen, _little brother." _Hanazawa snaps back in much the same way he does with Onigawara.

"These things aren't your business. If Kageyama wants you to know, he'll-."

"Shut _up! _I'm not going to talk to my brother through you!"

Shigeo can't remember the last time Ritsu raised his voice. Not since they were children, surely, when Ritsu cried. When their mom took away the comic books their dad snuck them or when he couldn't bend spoons like Shigeo or the first time a strange voice from an alley tried to tempt them into the shadows with the promise of sweets.

His aura spikes along with his stress. Hanazawa's head snaps back to look at him. Or more likely, his aura.

"Ritsu. Stop it."

Shigeo says.

It's nothing like how he used to comfort Ritsu when he was upset as a child. It pains Shigeo but they're not children anymore.

Ritsu jerks back in shock.

He's still protecting Ritsu, he always will, but he can't protect Ritsu like a child anymore. The world is too big and too cruel for that.

Ritsu's eyes narrow at Shigeo. Shigeo knows that there must be more behind them than anger but that's the only thing he can see.

Aura swirls and collects heavily on Shigeo's shoulders like condensing water, dripping down to form pools over the floor.

But Ritsu can't see that. No one else can see it. No one else can see the warning flowing out of his pores. It's just Shigeo. Only Shigeo.

"Must be really hard for you. Having people who care about you must be so _inconvenient _if you don't even want to be around anymore."

It's overflowing. It's going to flood the room and _no one _will be able to stop him.

Socks slip against the flooring before Shigeo's got enough traction to propel himself past Ritsu and out of the room.

All he can hear is pounding in his ears like waves. It's unstoppable, like the sea at high tide, only worse because no one, not even Shigeo, knows how to swim in it.

He doesn't even stop for his shoes in his rush to get away from Ritsu.

_Protect Ritsu._

The icy concrete seeping through his socks isn't important, nor is the traffic he dodges.

His ears, nose, and throat are clogged by the flood of power flooding out of him and his lungs burn as he drowns in it, unable to get enough air.

Still, he keeps running.

It hurts. His legs ache. He's feeling dizzy. He can't keep running but he _has _to or-

"- yama!"

Hanazawa's voice finally rises above the pounding in Shigeo's ears but before he can really process it there's a tug on his upper arm.

_A strong pull, right before he's thrown back into a concrete barrier by someone so big and scary…_

A wave of power throws the hand off him, sending the body with it flying backward. Only when the crunching sound of impact reaches him does Kageyama realize what he's done.

"Hanazawa!"

He gasps, whirling around to see if the other boy is alright. Once again, he's hurt someone without meaning to. He's hurt his _friend. _If only he had more control. More control. He needs more-

"I'm okay, Kageyama! Don't worry about it."

Hanazawa's voice, composed as every and distinctly not pained breaks through Shigeo's growing panic.

Hanazawa's stepping out of the broken brick of a nearby building, unscathed save for the bits of dust on his uniform.

That's right. Shigeo wasn't the only one who could see the danger filling the room. It wasn't just Shigeo who felt it.

Cold relief washes over him, but it's only a minor comfort when the reality of what he _could've _done is carved into that building right behind Hanazawa. If that had been someone else, someone without a good barrier. Maybe even Ritsu…

"I shouldn't have just grabbed you like that."

On impulse, Shigeo wraps Hanazawa in his aura again who gasps as he's launched over the sidewalk again until he's back at Shigeo's side. Right where Shigeo has gotten so used to him being.

"No, I should've… I shouldn't have…"

"It- It's okay, Kageyama."

Hanazawa's voice shakes as Shigeo sets him on his feet as carefully as he can.

Kageyama hasn't used his powers on Hanazawa since he felt threatened on the roof so long ago. Thankfully, he doesn't look afraid. It's just made Hanazawa dizzy-looking. Perhaps Shigeo moved him too fast so he places his hands on Hanazawa's shoulders to try and steady him.

Then, he's hit by a wave of exhaustion. When was the last time he ran? He feels light-headed and now he's the one who needs to be steadied by the support of Hanazawa's shoulders.

"So, what's the plan?"

Plan? Shigeo doesn't have a plan. He _never _has a plan. The only plan was to get away from his brother before… and now he's done that, so…

"... Come on, Kageyama. Let's go, I'm sure little brother will calm down by tomorrow."

Hanazawa steps back from Shigeo's hands to lead them further from Shigeo's house. He doesn't know where Hanazawa is going and he doesn't feel the need to ask as he follows.

It's not like he can go home.

Shigeo watches the ground between his feet, just following the pull of Hanazawa's aura. He can finally feel the cold on his feet and the hard sidewalk hurts his numb toes.

He avoids thinking or feeling anything else out of fear of what might happen if he lets his emotions get out of control.

He doesn't notice when Hanazawa stops so he runs straight into his back.

Shigeo looks up to see where they are as he rubs his nose only to see the graying Spirits and Such sign hanging above their heads. Before he can ask about it, Hanazawa is reaching for the handle and Shigeo can hear the click of him opening the lock before his hand even touches it.

"I wanted to check this place out. It's interesting, right?"

Shigeo knows he should protest breaking and entering, but the white cat is brushing against his calves and truthfully this just seems like the place to be right now. Perhaps Hanazawa is feeling that too.

Inside is dark and empty. All that's left behind is the ghost of furniture imprinted onto the floor to suggest what might have been. The walls are peeling and the floors creeks as Hanazawa leads steps inside.

"Yep. It sure used to be an office."

Behind Shigeo, the white cat follows him inside along with the spirits of several dogs.

Exhausted, Shigeo leaves the exploring to Hanazawa and sits against the wall on the floor on the shadow of where the couch used to be. At first, he tries to bring his knees up into his chest, but the affectionate ghost cat that's climbing into his lap keeps him from doing that.

It only takes Hanazawa a moment to walk around the room, about half the dogs following him. Meanwhile, Shigeo pets the remaining animals with one hand and slips the other into his pocket to squeeze his plushie to help stay calm.

Shigeo wonders what his powers feel like to other people. He hasn't thought of it before but now he's wondering if it's like how a person doesn't really know what their own house smells like. To Shigeo and likely Hanazawa, feeling their own psychic powers is no different than feeling anything else that they were born with like their own tongue.

He's used them on animals and people before to move them around and that gives him enough reason to believe that his aura alone doesn't _hurt _. But maybe it feels strange or unpleasant in other ways. He's never been covered in anyone's aura but his own before.

"It's official."

Hanazawa says as he drops down next to Shigeo to pet the spirits with him.

"I have no idea why they like this place."

Shigeo likes it here too but he doesn't get why either. Maybe it's just the nice animals.

"Um, Hanazawa."

If there's anyone Shigeo can ask about his musings regarding psychic powers, it's Hanazawa. While he's also used them on Onigawara he doesn't like _talking _about his powers with Onigawara. Or anyone. But Hanazawa is different.

"Yes?"

"How does it feel when I use my powers on you? Not when we fought, just when they're around you."

Hanazawa's face explodes into a deep red color and his usual smile becomes tight-lipped which makes Shigeo immediately nervous. Still, it's better than Hanazawa asking him to talk about Ritsu.

"It- It's f-fine, Kageyama. Why?"

Hanazawa stammers out so quickly that Shigeo doesn't have time to ponder why his face got all weird. But now his voice is all weird. Kind of high and wheezy.

"Does it feel weird or uncomfortable?"

Shigeo asks. Now he really wants to know.

"It's not weird!"

Shigeo blinks slowly. Not weird is good.

Hanazawa isn't looking at him. Not directly. His eyes are flickering around the edges of Shigeo's silhouette, looking at his aura.

"Ah… that's right, you've never felt physic powers before. Like, different ones that you weren't born with."

Shigeo nods. Hanazawa's voice is pretty much back to normal by now but he still looks stiff.

"I mean- I'm just saying. It might be an interesting or insightful experience." Hanazawa continues.

Shigeo just nods along.

"So, if you want, I could… use my powers on you. A little bit."

Shigeo blinks.

"You've pushed me with your powers before."

Hanazawa flinches.

"No, I mean, like put them around you and h-hold you in them."

Shigeo's head tilts as he considers this suggestion. He knows what it's like to be in contact with Hanazawa's aura from when he was rammed during their fight. He knows what it feels like to overtake Hanazawa's aura with his own. He even knows what it's like to step on Hanazawa's aura. None of those really felt like much. He can't really see how being covered in it will be different or help anything. But he also can't really see why it wouldn't be okay. It's not like Hanazawa is threatening.

"... I mean, only if you want to."

Ah, Hanazawa started fidgeting as he talked. Shigeo figures that means he's been thinking too long. However, he was able to reach a decision on the matter so he nods in acceptance.

"I'm okay with it."

Those words are all it takes for Hanazawa to re-inflate. His posture and his smile grow big and bright and his hands come up into Shigeo's field of vision.

"Okay! Okay," He says, hands beginning to glow as his fingers twitch.

Blue eyes flit around Shigeo's outline again.

"Ah, your aura is really strong, how about I just try doing it to your hands?"

Strong isn't a word Shigeo had ever used to describe it before. Although, he supposes it isn't a wrong thing to say.

_Too strong to be safe for Ritsu._

But he's not thinking about that.

"Oh, okay."

Shigeo raises his own hands in an offering.

Hanazawa's suggestion of just their hands makes a lot of sense to him. Like testing the temperature of water before submerging.

"Okay."

Hanazawa says again.

He glances between Shigeo's face and his hands a few times without moving any closer. But Shigeo doesn't mind waiting. He takes time to do stuff too.

"Okay,"

Finally, Hanazawa reaches out to take Shigeo's hands. For all his hesitation, Hanazawa grasps Shigeo's hands firmly. He presses their palms together and laces their fingers and the immediate sensations Shigeo gets of the warm and soft pressure of skin contact are very pleasant.

Then, with a little more power, neon yellow wraps around Shigeo's fingers. Shigeo's lips part and his fingers twitch unconsciously at the new sensation.

It's a little extra pressure but less like a physical touch and more like a warm breath. Except it's also more tingly, like rubbing bare feet on carpet but also… less. It's not as intense as that.

Shigeo shifts at the feeling as he watches the colors dance with his own. It's stimulating but not too stimulating and he quickly loses his entire train of thought. For the moment, he forgets Ritsu's anger and the narrowly avoided accident.

"Kageyama…"

Hanazawa's voice brings his attention back. And now Shigeo is aware that he's never heard Hanazawa whisper before. Or sound so out-of-breath.

"How does it feel?"

Shigeo looks up from their linked hands to Hanazawa's face. He's staring at Shigeo so intently but Shigeo is getting more comfortable with the staring. Hanazawa does it a lot and Shigeo figures it would be hypocritical of him to ask Hanazawa to stop. Since he's used to being stared at his attention slides from Hanazawa's face back down to their joined hands.

"Like carpet."

"..."

The yellow color starts to fade from his hands and that makes Shigeo think that maybe he said something rude again.

"Like rubbing your hands and feet on a carpet. Tingly." Shigeo tries to explain.

"... do you like it?" Hanazawa asks, sounding so uncertain it is strikingly obvious even to Shigeo.

Fortunately, Shigeo feels confident that he knows what he needs to say.

"Yes. It feels nice."

A puff of minty, warm breath tickles Shigeo's cheeks making him realize how closely Hanazawa is leaning in.

"Is this what my aura feels like?" Shigeo asks.

"No," Hanazawa says, shaking his head.

His fingers shift between Shigeo's.

"Yours isn't all that tingly. It's more like… heavy?"

"Is that bad?"

"Not at all," Hanazawa's breathy laugh tickles Shigeo's cheek again and he closes his eyes against it.

He feels the slightest pull on his own aura. Like Hanazawa's is crawling over it, or maybe between it.

"It's a nice pressure. Like a weighted blanket. Also sort of like… wet? Ah, maybe not wet."

"Auras are difficult to describe."

Shigeo agrees.

"But a weighted blanket sounds nice."

"Yeah, it really is."

This time it's Hanazawa who's staring down at their hands and Shigeo who's watching him. Although Hanazawa's face is ducked down, the subtle shifts of energy are almost easier for Shigeo to understand than his measured expressions. By focusing on Hanazawa… his _friend's _aura, Shigeo is starting to put some pieces together. Or rather, see patterns that he hadn't noticed before.

It's all in Shigeo's hands, telegraphed in the way dandelion yellow wraps around his fingers like rings. It's the way sparkles of green shyly tickle his palms. It's the way their skin starts to stick together from the building sweat.

A silent _'oh' _shapes Shigeo's lips.

It was the way Hanazawa chased after him after he ran out of the house. It was in how Hanazawa wanted to talk about Shigeo's fitness magazine. It was in every superfluous text and every lingering stare and every little unnecessary touch.

Shigeo shifts his grip to hold Hanazawa's hands tighter and pushes his aura forward to fit it around Hanazawa's hands, letting it creep up his wrists.

Shigeo knows what a crush is like since he's had a few of them. There was Tsubomi from elementary school, then it was the boy who beat him in the foot race who captured Tsubomi's interest, then it was Tsubomi again, then Musashi from gym class…

With this new understanding, Shigeo feels much calmer. Shigeo knows very well what a crush is like.

"K-Kageyama?"

Shigeo blinks and notices that blue has started to lap at Hanazawa's biceps like waves. He's not used to recognizing other people having crushes, but finally, he feels like he understands Hanazawa a little bit more. The other teen isn't quite so confusing anymore.

"... Can I stay with you tonight?"

Shigeo supposed that he should have expected the slight shock from Hanazawa's spiking aura in his hands.

"Of- Of course!"


End file.
